IMPOSSIBLE CHRISTMAS QUIZ!

Ok guys, here it is:  the IMPOSSIBLE CHRISTMAS QUIZ.  Thirty-two questions of pure, unadulterated festive joy.

You’ve got just over two weeks to get your answers in – email your solutions to  by midnight, Sunday 19^th December, and I’ll give out the solutions (and prizes!) the following week.  Use the comments section below to discuss, query, rant or sledge anything to do with the quiz – but don’t post your answers there!

There are three annual ICC memberships up for grabs.  More importantly, of course, the chance to become the Impossible Quiz Master awaits you.  Google, guess, ask around, or just write down something funny – it’s up to you.

Half the questions you should be able to answer with a little dedicated research.  Half the questions, let’s face it, you’ll have no chance with.  Think of this as the fun half.

Ready?  Alrighty then.  GO!

1. What scandalous annual bicycle race, in which I participated this year, has super-grandmaster Nigel Short threatened to fly to Australia to join me in next year?
2. What do Carl Lewis, Moby, Natalie Portman and I have in common?
3. What do Carl Lewis, Moby, and Natalie Portman have in common that I do NOT?
4. How long is a newborn kangaroo?
5. What did Fi have to pretend to be in order to obtain a visa to join me at the World Chess Cup in Siberia last year?
6. What is the largest cricket field (by playing area) in the country?
7. How many floors are there at the Australian Treasury building in Canberra?
8. Why did Lea Michele, who plays Glee star Rachel Berry, have glass in her hair during her character audition?
9. What did Australian Grandmaster Ian Rogers major in at university?
10. According to David Frost, having one child makes you a parent, while having two children makes you a what?
11. How many children do I want? (BONUS: And what notable group of people have I threatened to name them after?)
12. What Australian Rules football team does 40 per cent of the Australian men’s chess team support?
13. Who received the third most popular votes in the 1992 US election?
14. In October, an Australian international master married a fellow Australian chess player to give the married couple a combined ACF rating of 3569.  Who are they?
15. This is a far cry from the record for an Australian couple, however.  Can you name the seven Australian married couples that have crossed the elusive 4000 barrier for their combined ACF ratings?  (one point each)
16. Can you name the world’s current highest-rated husband-and-wife team, at a whopping combined FIDE rating of 5218?
17. What herb, despite her distinct lack of horticultural talent, has my housemate somehow managed to successfully grow on our balcony?
18. How many James Bond films have one-word titles?
19. Which Australian was nicknamed the “Stud of the Olympiad” at the recent chess championships in Siberia?
20. What was the combined total of Mitchell Johnson’s runs scored and wickets taken in the first Ashes cricket test?
21. What was the first name of Australia’s Russian translator at the recent chess Olympiad?  (BONUS:  What was the name of the chart-topping hit song by the American nineties pop singer of the same name?)
22. What toilet-humoured musical won three Tony awards and ran for almost one thousand performances on Broadway, and was recently performed at the Australian National University?
23. Which Australian chess player controversially won the 2005 World Chess Beauty Contest?
24. In a 1968 episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhuru were involved in the world’s first televised what?
25. How many degrees does a bowling pin have to tilt before it falls? (point for within 2.5 degrees)
26. According to H.G. Wells, why might you want to teach chess to a promising politician or talented artist?
27. Which 5 international capital cities only have one syllable?  (one point each)
28. How many languages does Aussie chess starlet Arianne Caoili speak fluently?
29. Jack and Jill are lying on the floor inside the house, dead. They died from lack of water. There is shattered glass next to them. Why did they die?
30. What time is featured on every clock in the movie Pulp Fiction?
31. Everybody knows that 25 December is Christmas Day.  But can you match up the following lesser-known (but far cooler) official days in December with their dates?  [Humbug Day, Dewey Decimal System Day, Barbie and Barney Backlash Day, International Ninja Day, Make Up Your Mind Day] … [5, 10, 16, 21, 31]  (one point each)
32. Come up with your best chess Haiku*.

 

*A Haiku is a Japanese poem that consists of three lines, with five, seven and five syllables respectively.  For example:

Broken hearts on boards

Pieces fly; Retreat, my queen!

I sacrifice love.

Of course, yours should probably be wittier.