Seeking terra firma

It was Orson Welles who famously quipped that “there are only two emotions in a plane:  boredom and terror.”  Ironically, after we experienced smooth, problem-free journeys on Cambodian Air and landed in Ho Chi Minh City, it was the reputable Vietnam Airlines that gave me my first emergency landing.

Soon after taking off for our short flight to Danang, there were some horrible, prolonged screeching noises as the pilot tried to retract the landing gear.  Forty minutes later, the pilot announced that we were turning back around for HCMC due to ‘technical difficulties.’ 

(I should mention that every announcement during this saga, both in the air and on the ground, was first made in Vietnamese, after which the passengers broke into a cacophony of panicked voices spluttering loud and similarly incomprehensible cries, and rendering the English translation inaudible.)

A nervous flight back to our departure point, and would you believe it, we were met by a sectioned-off runway sparkling with the flashing lights of firetrucks, police cars  and other assorted emergency vehicles.  As our plane stood stationary on the tarmac flanked by sirens and Christmas lights, men in radiation suits emerged and stood guard over the bird.  I forgot to breathe.  Fi took photos.

After they finally let us out, we spent an hour in the accompanying building at the ‘airport hospital’ (Fi’s term) at HCMC airport.  A new plane and a complimentary lemonade later, we were in the air and headed back to Danang.  But upon our (turbulent) descent, we were told that a severe electrical storm at Danang with tail winds “beyond the maximum limit for landing”, and so we were diverted to the nearest storm-free airport. 

Another 45 minutes til landing, another hour’s delay in a deserted local terminal, and we were back on our way to our stormy destination.  And would you believe it, our landing in the rain- and wind-swept Danang airport, over six hours later than our scheduled arrival, was completely bump-free.

Although it took another hour’s drive before we arrived in Hoi An, our final destination, it was quite a relief to be back on terra firma (although applying this term to driving in Vietnamese traffic is a bit tenuous).  I’ve acquired a little bit of pteromerhanophobia over the past year, without any discernible cause.  Fi, on the other hand, has a different involuntary condition: she has uncontrollable giggle fits during airplane turbulence.  You can imagine that this was a less than compatible combination for this experience.

However, our hotel (the Long Life Riverside Hotel) in Hoi An has been a very consolatory experience.  The hotel staff have been nothing but warm and friendly, and room and resort is just amazing, and all for just US $35 a night for a deluxe room for two.  We only have to cross the bridge to be in the very heart of the town, and the free bike rental at the hotel makes exploring a breeze.  An amazing included buffet breakfast and hotel laundry for – can you believe it? – US$1 a kilo adds to the convenience.  Thoroughly recommended to any Hoi An traveller.

Hoi An

And why straight to this little seaside town from HCMC?  Hoi An is a former international trading port of the 17thcentury on the central coast of Vietnam.  Laid-back and charming, it’s also both the culinary and retail hub of the country.  There are a few reminders around the place of Vietnam’s socialist philosophy, such government radio blaring from loudspeakers on every street, soldiers policing the streetcorners and beaches (but mainly for illegal bicycle parking!), and, like the rest of the country, a blanket internet ban on Facebook.  But for the most part, Hoi An is a tourist paradise that won’t hurt the hip pocket.  Hoi An Tourist Department, feel free to contact me for payment.

As far as food goes, I’ve definitely found my favourite cafe of the trip in Hoi An.  MangoRooms, on Nguyen Thai Hoc street, is just amazing for a cool fruit smoothie or lassi and a warm, rustic baguette while overlooking the Thu Bon river.  For dinner you can’t go past Morning Glory, which also doubles as a hospitality school.  Tourists can sign up here for cheap Vietnamese cooking classes, where you naturally get to eat all the dishes you cook.  I can attest that the food was the best Vietnamese cooking I have ever tasted (that’s the restaurant’s cooking at dinner, not my own!).

The other main reason tourists visit Hoi An is the tailoring.  All clothes are naturally cheap, but it’s the made-to-measure tailors littering every street that the Westerners come to see.  There are meant to be a few dodgy ones around, but a little bit of online research will go a long way to finding good recommendations.  The most famous store is Yaly, with a couple of stores around the town.  Fi went here for a dress, and while she’s gotten great service on every fitting and (unlike other stores) hasn’t had to pay a deposit, it’s a little more expensive than the smaller tailors.

In the end I decided to go with Mr Xe’s for all of my tailoring needs, and although he’s not known for his women’s clothing, Fi has joined me for a few items.  Mr Xe comes highly recommended on the travel forums, and many Western tourists have continued to get clothes from him (usually shipped directly using the original measurements) over the past decade.  And, for someone like me who hates shopping (and fittings even more), Mr Xe’s humour and eccentricities make the experience more than bearable. 

He is boisterous and quite camp (so homphobes beware), but an absolute perfectionist and won’t let you leave with anything he’s not 100 per cent satisfied with.  And in addition to the personalised attention, the prices for suits are about half that of Yaly: men’s suits from US $60 to US $120 (the latter for the highest quality fabric, wool and cashmere), compared with US $80 to US $280.  With very minimal bargaining, I’m paying US $320 for: 2 suits of wool/cashmere, 1 waistcoat, 4 shirts and 1 trenchcoat (with a couple of complimentary 100% silk ties thrown in).  All made to measure, and all fitting perfectly. 

Naturally, this is no recommendation at this stage, but I’ll come back with an update in six months or so to let you know how they’ve held up.  In any case, Mr Xe’s doesn’t have a website but you can find them at 71 Nguyen Thai Hocstreet, on the corner with Le Loi street.

Dinner time and no doubt another very affordable culinary delight awaits, before another fitting, this time for leather boots.  Ah, how will I cope with Siberia after this?!