World Not-So-Naked Bike Ride

“You’re not giving cycling a fair go!” cried one. 

“Don’t you care about global warming? One less car!” argued another, with blissfully ignorant mathematical precision. 

“Cycling is the most liberating form of transport, and you don’t need to be a hippy to enjoy it! Give us a go!” proffered a very hippy-like third. 

Right, I thought, let’s indeed “give us (sic) a go.” Heck, I’m a liberal-minded fellow with a newly acquired speed machine. If only I had the perfect medium to express both my  love  like  vague fondness for cyclists, as well as my admiration  deep respect  diligent acceptance of liberal hippies. If only… 

And that, my friends, is how my picture got published in the Canberra RiotAct in an article on the Canberra leg of the World Naked Bike Ride. 

You can see the article and pictures here, which has been stumbled on by the Closet Grandmaster, as well as numerous work colleagues. (A brief warning: the slideshow of pictures contains some mild nudity – not mine, I assure you! – but for the large part, is simply hilarious.) 

While I enjoyed the experience and hope to have dispelled the above assertions on my character in one fell swoop, I can’t help but feel that I still didn’t quite fit in with some of my more opinionated co-riders. For instance, we were supposed to paint protest slogans across our bodies for the ride, but I really couldn’t think of a cause. It’s not that I don’t believe in saving the whales and reducing greenhouse gas emissions, of course. It’s just that I was really just along for the ride (so to speak), and didn’t feel that passionately about any one single cause (besides chess, of course) that I felt obliged to graffiti it on my person. In the end, under whithering peer pressure from the other riders, I compromised with a picture of a black knight and a somewhat ambiguous “CHECKMATE FOR CARBON” strewn across my back, and an Amsterdam flag for a tie on my chest. Representations of knights and the Dutch, both of which are dear to my heart, seemed a fair result, given that my preferred “The Sicilian Dragon Forever!” was vetoed. 

In addition to my lack of protestation, while most of the participants were quite critical of the Australian Federal Police’s order that genetalia must be covered either in body paint or underwear, I saw it as a blessing. First of all, getting any sort of environmental message (or otherwise) across is surely far more likely to succeed if spectators aren’t forced to avert their (and their children’s) eyes before they even see the slogans. Secondly, it gave me a chance to both show off my Amsterdam boxers and keep my Government job. But possibly most importantly of all, I really can’t imagine riding a bike completely starkers would be particularly comfortable, or even safe. Especially for a guy. 

My ostracism aside, I did very much enjoy the ride, which took in both of Canberra’s city bridges, Parliament House, the National Library, and even straight through the Canberra Motor Show. Furthermore, I have to say that the chess picture/text received more comments than the vast majority of the homogenously pro-environmental slogans, so perhaps I can claim to have raised the profile of chess in an unashamedly no-frills fashion. 

In fact, one of the most common questions from my co-riders (many of whom included members of the ACT Nudists Association) was whether strip chess was a common variation on the game. While I had nothing substantive to say, this may be something for chess organisers and the Australian Chess Federation to think about in the future; at least, it might help kick-start the Olympiad Appeal which I believe currently stands at $0. There was a proposal a couple of years ago to create an Australian Chess Players Nude Calendar to raise Olympiad funds ala the Australian Womens Soccer Team. Unfortunately, of the 12 of us asked (6 girls and 6 boys – perfect for an annual spread!), the vote was 11 to 1 against. Guess who the one was? 

Anyway, I’m glad I did it, but I’m also glad it’s over, for this year at least. Canberra gets mighty cold in the Winter.